GRANDPARENTING – PLEASURE OF PRESSURE?
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The writer with her grandchildren (clockwise from left) Max, Allie, Hana, Reiya and baby Ryder, taken close to a decade ago. – Photos: LILY FU |
My youngest grandchild turned 10 last month. Celebrating his birthday made me reflect on how quickly the years have rolled by, and how fast the children have grown. My eldest grandchild will be 24 this August.
Has it been that long ago that I cradled this young man as a newborn in my arms and looked after him full time while his parents were out busy working till late at night on their fledgling company?
With multi-generational families no longer living under one roof, the role of grandparents has taken on renewed significance. What would busy working young parents do without grandmas (and grandpas) stepping in to help with the little ones? Well, there’s always the daycare centres or a nanny/domestic helper to look after them. But nothing compares to having one’s own blood and kin care for the children.
As a hands-on grandmother, delighting in caring for the little ones, I was quite surprised when I discovered not all my senior friends shared the same views on the subject of grandparenting.
They felt they had paid their dues and done their turn as parents. It’s time their adult children did theirs, they said.
“No more changing diapers and dealing with toddler tantrums for me. At my age, it’s too stressful. Sure, if there’s an emergency, I’ll be there. I don’t mind playing with my grandchildren or visiting them, but hands-on babysitting? No, thank you.”
Drawing a line
There are many who share the same sentiments.
“My husband and I have eight grandchildren from our three children. Being on call to babysit for all of them leaves us with little time for our own activities.”
“Our son leaves his two-year-old and four-year-old at our house before he goes to work. By the time he picks up the children after work at 7pm, my husband and I are exhausted. Sometimes when my son has a lot of work at the office, he comes as late as 9pm.”
“My husband is 72, and I’m 68. Physically, we can’t keep up with our hyperactive grandsons. Besides, I have high blood pressure.”
“My daughter-in-law and I don’t see eye-to-eye on how to bring up the children, especially when it comes to discipline, food and education. This has caused some tension in our relationship.”
Yes, looking after boisterous little children can be exhausting for grandparents. I know of grandparents whose daily routine involves preparing the children for school, driving them there and picking them up later for tuition or co-curricular activities. They have to make sure the children do their homework, take their meals and set strict rules on video games. This leaves them unable to enjoy social activities with their friends or go on trips with them.
All this can be very tiring. It can be hard to say no when your daughter calls and asks, “Mum, can you come over and babysit this weekend? I’ll be out of town on a business trip.”
Learn to say “No” if there are other options available. If you keep offering to help out all the time, you may soon feel overwhelmed. That is when babysitting and childcare becomes a pressure, and no longer a pleasure.
(The above article was first published in The Star under the column ‘Grey Matters’. It can be accessed at this link: https://www.thestar.com.my/lifestyle/family/2024/02/16/starsilver-is-grandparenting-an-experience-that-gives-one-pleasure-or-pressure)
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