The Purpose Code — Book Review

Jordan Grumet is a hospice doctor turned financial independence author and podcaster. I reviewed his book Taking Stock about a year and a half ago. In it, he applied lessons he learned working with the dying, then challenged readers to take stock of their lives and spend money more intentionally.

The response to my review was overwhelming in terms of both the number and depth of comments and emails I received. This topic hit a nerve. Many of us struggle with these issues in our financial independence journeys.

While the book undoubtedly hit the mark for some readers, it triggered others emotionally. Grumet wrote a new book, The Purpose Code. The book will be released tomorrow, January 7th. 

Grumet opens The Purpose Code with feedback from readers who expressed “purpose anxiety.” One quote sums this idea up. “I’m so sick of people telling me to find my purpose. I don’t know my purpose and it’s stressing me out.”

In The Purpose Code, Grumet explains the benefits of living a purposeful life and helps readers figure out how to do so. Here are my biggest takeaways.

Differentiating Purpose and Meaning

The terms happiness, purpose, and meaning are nebulous. It’s hard to hit the target when it’s unclear what we’re shooting for. Grumet differentiates these terms. He suggests each is different and highlights the importance of understanding and addressing them separately.

Grumet defines meaning as our cognitive understanding of the past. It is backward-looking.

Meaning is the way we internally make sense of our life experiences. He suggests that particular experiences don’t define whether we will live happy and fulfilled lives. Rather it is the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of these experiences. 

Unhappy people regard past hardships as events that made them victims. Happy people frame past hardships as stepping stones to a better future. This reframing of our experiences to create meaning is the basis of psychotherapy.

Grumet defines purpose as pointing to action. It is present and future-focused. This is the primary focus of The Purpose Code.

Happiness in this framework largely results from living a life of meaning, purpose, and connectedness with others.

Creating “Little P Purpose”

My favorite concept in the book is Grumet’s differentiating “Little P” and “Big P” purposes. When thinking about purpose, most people think of “Big P” purpose. 

Someone trying to conquer space travel, cure cancer, or solve the challenges of global warming has a purpose. If you don’t have those types of ambitions, you must lack purpose.

These are examples of “Big P” purposes. People whose lives are driven by “Big P” purpose change the world. Sometimes.

Unfortunately, “Big P” purposes are rarely fulfilled. They can create anxiety for those whose life is driven by these massive and largely unachievable goals. They also create anxiety for those who think they should have a “Big P” purpose but don’t. 

Don’t fret. Grumet suggests that finding and pursuing your “Big P” purpose is the wrong target.

Instead, he suggests we should focus on “Little P” purpose. “Little P” purpose has the following characteristics:

• Focus on personal satisfaction vs. your impact on the world.
• Having many small purposes vs. one dominant purpose for life.
• Enjoyable and achievable.
• Not goal-dependent, but instead acknowledges incremental change and progress.
• Creates health and longevity benefits.

That certainly sounds more appealing and achievable! But how do you implement this type of purpose into your life? Grumet suggests creating “The Climb.”

“The Climb”

Grumet describes the process of finding and cultivating your “Little P” purpose as “The Climb.” Pursuing more purposeful activities first requires creating the time in your life by subtracting out some current activities. He suggests going through your schedules and routines and asking, “Does this activity warrant my time and attention?”

Then you must add in new activities that will move you toward a more purposeful life. This is easy to say but can be hard to do. Grumet provides useful parameters to help guide you.

He suggests activities should not, at least initially, rely on financial gain. Activities should also be “goal agnostic.” Instead, the joy should be in doing the activities, and it should be impossible to fail. 

No particular activity requires monogamy. You should experiment with different activities until you find what fits.

When you are doing activities you truly enjoy and are passionate about, it is easier to create meaningful connections with others. The role others play in your purpose is another area where I appreciated Grumet’s nuanced presentation in the book.

The Role of Others

In The Purpose Code, Grumet shared research revealing the positive benefits associated with community are essentially the same as those associated with purpose. The relationship between purpose and community is summed up well in this quote from the book.

“When we intentionally engage in deeply meaningful activities, we find people with the same calling. We bond to those people through shared goals and interests. These people become our community.” He calls these “communities of internal purpose.”

That quote caused me to reflect on a post I wrote years ago about choosing where to live in retirement. I focused largely on living near the activities you love and how that helps create your community. This is inconsistent with countless articles I’ve read over the years suggesting the best places are based on cost of living, taxes, etc. 

Like Grumet, my initial career was in healthcare. I also related to his anecdote of feeling disconnected and unfulfilled in that setting. Also, like him, I’ve found a sense of community and a feeling of purpose and connection in my role as a financial blogger, author, and planner despite spending much less time and making considerably less money in these roles.

I also appreciated the nuance with which he differentiated between building connection through living purposefully vs. making others your purpose. This was exemplified in what was described as the “Myth of Joyful Parenting.”

“Little P” purpose can sound selfish. Grumet argues that when we pursue these activities we “change not only ourselves but the world around us.” 

Many people build their entire identities around being a parent, a spouse, or their career. This can lead to feeling a lack of purpose when your children grow up, you lose a spouse, or are no longer working.

Regret vs. Disappointment

The final chapter of the book was about using regret to drive your pursuit of purpose. I’ve written about regret and appreciated Grumet’s perspective on the topic from his work as a hospice doctor.

He differentiates regret from disappointment. Disappointment lacks agency. It is too late to do anything about things. He describes what he often heard when working with people on their deathbeds as disappointments rather than regrets.

In contrast, he associates regret with agency. If we are willing to be honest with ourselves now we can act on things we currently regret and right those wrongs.

• Try that activity we’ve always wanted to try.
• Travel to that place we’ve wanted to go.
• Start the business you’ve always wanted to start.
• Say ‘I’m sorry’ to the person you’ve wronged.
• Pick up the phone and reconnect to the person you’ve drifted from.

He suggests that many people use lack of time and/or money as excuses for not pursuing these purposeful activities while providing compelling evidence that this is generally not the case. Instead, we don’t do these things because they can be hard and scary.

His observation is consistent with many retirees who have a crisis of lacking purpose and meaning at a time when they have more free time than they’ve had since they were children.

Should You Read The Purpose Code

Many readers of this blog start reading because they are trying to answer the question Can I Retire Yet?, thinking this is strictly a financial question akin to solving a complex math problem. 

However, once we decide we have enough money, many realize there are bigger questions to answer and challenges to address. Having more time in retirement can create a crisis of purpose and meaning. 

The Purpose Code is thoughtful and nuanced. Grumet explains why pursuing activities that may seem selfish and indulgent can help you find your purpose. He differentiates creating connections through purposeful activities vs. making others your sole purpose. He acknowledges the fact that we all face different challenges, some unimaginable, while nudging you to move beyond a victim mentality and to address your regrets before they become disappointments.

If you are experiencing the aforementioned crisis of meaning and purpose, The Purpose Code may be exactly what you’re looking for. I humbly suggest you start thinking about these topics long before entering crisis mode.

Win a Copy of the Purpose Code

The Purpose Code will be released tomorrow. Leave a comment below by midnight tonight, Monday, January 6 for a chance to win a free copy. I will email the winner tomorrow morning, Tuesday, January 7th.

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[Chris Mamula used principles of traditional retirement planning, combined with creative lifestyle design, to retire from a career as a physical therapist at age 41. After poor experiences with the financial industry early in his professional life, he educated himself on investing and tax planning. After achieving financial independence, Chris began writing about wealth building, DIY investing, financial planning, early retirement, and lifestyle design at Can I Retire Yet? He is also the primary author of the book Choose FI: Your Blueprint to Financial Independence. Chris also does financial planning with individuals and couples at Abundo Wealth, a low-cost, advice-only financial planning firm with the mission of making quality financial advice available to populations for whom it was previously inaccessible. Chris has been featured on MarketWatch, Morningstar, U.S. News & World Report, and Business Insider. He has spoken at events including the Bogleheads and the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants annual conferences. Blog inquiries can be sent to chris@caniretireyet.com. Financial planning inquiries can be sent to chris@abundowealth.com]

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